"I just had an epiphany. The root to my anger and sorrow over this love is of my own superiority complex. I am not better than any of them. I should not hate that others want you and love you, just the way I do. The difference between them and I though, is that I wade in my thoughts. And I think you believed as much as I did that my love was superior, but not sovereign, his was."
Jawanza
"On nights we would sneak from the house together, scale the side of our mothers towering rose bush and lie on the roof. The shingles grasping us: holding our bodies, dreams, worries and feelings. We sketched our futures between stars; they would hold our wishes and release them one day; we believed that, we really did."
From “The Sleeping Sounds” by Jawanza James Williams
#jawanza james williams
#the sleeping sounds
#literature
#art
#love
#pain
#apathy
#writing
#poetry
#quotes
"Is it sad that I have every voicemail, positive or negative, you ever left me saved as an MP3?"
Jawanza
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#jawanza james williams
#jawanza
#art
#guitar
#acoustic
#war
#for every tear
War.
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#jawanza james williams
#wichita falls
#schriener
Leaving From Wichita Falls….
My beer in hand.
My mind scattered across the lives of 2 others.
One hates, the other is indiffent, and neither know me.
How could they?
I do not know myself.
I look to the God within me, and find it moving away.
But this is the test of faith, it seems, to keep it close at all costs.
Why test me? Why?
I do not know the answer.
I’m sure I will eventually.
"33 days until home: today is incredibly silent. I awoke, within 5 minutes got on my bike and rode down the streets of kerrville to my favorite resturant and picked up two tacos. I think I left a bit too soon because I could barely keep my eyes open in the sunlight riding down the roads. Dangerous. I survived though. I’ve started creating my resume so that I may start applying to jobs in Beaumont, I want my year at home to be fruitful, and as pleasant as possible. I’m trying to remove circles of negation before they even form. I hope that my efforts are not in vain."
Jawanza, temporarily, but hopefully eternally, happy.
Touch.
The Sun empowers my wrist, fingers, and pen.
And she said, “Fury moves me. Wake up! Wake up! Wake Up!”
by: Jawanza James Williams
"34 days until home: I am 32 minutes late with this entry of my last days of Schreiner, and a chapter of my life that must inevitably close before I am truly ready. There is not much to say beyond the words of Ani Difranco that mean very much to me, “the world owes me nothing, we owe each other the world.” I may have absolutely ended the most significant love of my life thus far tonight. Will I blame that on the alcohol, or will I point to the truth that “you can’t walk away from somewhere if you were never actually there?"
Jawanza, and his friend Bud Light.
"35 days until home: I am reaching this threshold, that I’m going to cross ever so soon. I think that is the reason Ive been depressed. Who I am, whatever that may be, is dying. I’m being transformed. I am holding on to a past me, because he still means something to me, and this thing that I am becoming is something to fear….because it is the unknown. I’m not sure what hides behind these psychic barriers I mentioned once before. Perpetual transformation is a part of life it seems. This is a metamorphosis, I’m afraid, that will move the very fabric of the earth beneath my own feet. I pray that this reflective yet inflective movement is not of negative origin. I understand that it must be destructive to unravel what I am now, but hopefully something worth becoming, I’ll be. If I am to make decisions about this new state, then I invite compassion and trust, for if they are absent, I could become something much darker, heavier, loathsome."
Jawanza, Absolution Moving
We are just as much a part of dying earth as live earth.
Stand atop the world, even when you’re weak from the struggle.
